Chirps, There's a b in dumb you dumby!

I like to consider myself one of life's lifelong learners, which I suppose is just as well as I am destined to never accrue enough knowledge to ever feel completely at ease when dealing with all the movers & shakers that I meet on countless occasions while roaming about the Tamar valley happily whistling "the only way is up" so I was pleased recently to acquire some information which should ensure that I never make myself look a complete plank when encountering these people and also will be fairly handy should I ever have to take a cognitive assessment as it seems fashionable to take these all the time these days if you really want to stand out!

Now, I know what you're thinking, why would someone with a do/1 degree in smugness from Horrabridge university need to take a cognitive assessment? well you just never know when you're going to need to prove your vanity to the world do you? I mean listen up, The president of the United States himself takes these assessments regularly to prove his fitness for office so why wouldn't I take one to show my complete unfitness to write this absolute pile of diaper dung Huh? Only a dumocrat would think it was a bad idea to offer myself up to take an assessment and have my results revealed and scrutinized by all so that great mirth could be had when it is realized that I possess all the cognitive dexterity of the average sideboard!  I'd have to be a complete dumby.................Wouldn't I ? ...................

Anyway, I have contacted a neurological physician , a Dr Killum, to conduct my assessment at his earliest opportunity and look forward in the meantime to ending a few wars, overturning a few red cards and possibly building a ballroom onto the end of my 2 bed house so I can entertain my friends and neighbours before boring everybody shitless on Struth social when my results are revealed as I just know that I am going to ace it! oh yes, they will never have seen a QI so big! They'll want me to give all kind of motivational talks, team talks, pep talks, Ted talks, you name it they'll want me to talk about it! I bet you'all can't wait or contain your excitement can you? Well take a breather as I have booked a holiday for next week, a Luxury cruise on the strait of Hormuz!! It was incredibly cheap, any cheaper and the travel agent would literally be paying me to go! Well I thought I can't go wrong here, I would literally be a right Dumby if I turned it down and you all know that I'm not Dumby right? .......................

RIGHT??.........

Ah forget it!

Authors note:

•  No democrats were harmed in the making of this post. 
•  Dr Killum would like to point out that despite his unfortunate name he has never actually killed anyone...............deliberately.  
• Calamity cruises report that the Strait of Hormuz Cruise has sold out.

 

Reflections from a bridge.

 Do you have a minute to sit and listen to all of the good things in my life?

Yes, a minute of your time is I fear all that would be needed, no need to fear boredom, as like a leaf caught in a backwater while the mainstream drifts by, I must dance to the repetitive tune of the swirling current that takes me along, yet takes me nowhere.

All I can do is watch life at work all around me, bees fervently gathering from plants at the waters edge in an abstract hover while crows provide backing vocals for a soprano thrush perched on a branch reaching far out above the water.

All are mindful of the inky blue cloud which has appeared on the horizon casting doubt on all this fine day had promised. Later will come the rain and then the flood that will carry me away, but not too far, just downstream until I am trapped in the next slow moving whirlpool, the prisoner who earns remission by doing time for the crime he did not commit.

The future frowns on me with murky features indistinct, or is that a trick of the shimmering water? wish now I could stop the imminent  onslaught from the heavens, perhaps a rainbow?..

No, just a dream from the man seeing reflections from a bridge.