Elon prefers growing shares to vegetables!

Elon Musk has recently stated his view that work could become optional over the next ten to twenty years due to the development of tech, including AI and robotics etc. In other words if a human does not fancy doing some heavy lifting to earn his pay packet then the advances in technical automation and the odd robot or two will do the job for him while he downs some tasty beers down the pub! 

He likened the situation to be like growing vegetables in your garden. You don't have to do that he states, you could just go to your local store and buy them but some people enjoy the challenge and the sense of purpose of growing their own. He predicts a future where money is less relevant or even totally irrelevant which seems a tad ironic coming so soon after Tesla shareholders approved his potential 1 trillion dollar ten year pay award subject to the company achieving set goals. Nevertheless I was not surprised big numbers were involved in Elon's pay award as he is probably the foremost accomplished business person in the world today but i must admit I did not realise just how big a trillion actually is! Even spread over ten years the numbers are mind boggling. 

Now it has to be acknowledged that i'm not great at maths, that is while I can cope with basic stuff on a day to day basis like how much i'm spending in the supermarket buying vegetables or more likely the pub buying other things essential for life, I cannot with any degree of truth claim to be anything more than average in the bean counting world.

So bearing that in mind you can perhaps understand why when I initially heard about the deal I merely shrugged my shoulders and pulled the old bemused boy gets lost in the number fog look I pulled often in maths classes at school. Then a lady with the number prowess of Rachel Riley pointed out that 1 trillion dollars equates to an average of a 100 billion dollars a year or over 8 billion a month which if you assume he does a five day week equates to about 400 million dollars a day! 

Now of course, it's not just what he does that is being rewarded, it's having the gravitas and worldwide appeal of the Musk name and his contacts, both business and political which are immeasurable and work 24/7 and therefore the sums need to reflect this.

OK then, lets take a more pragmatic view, lets say he works 24/7 receiving no downtime whatsoever but fails to hit some of the targets that make up the contract. Lets say he only actually receives salary, shares and gratuities amounting to a mere half of the trillion. So 500 billion dollars over the ten year period.

So if he works every single day for the ten year period this equates to 3,650 days at roughly 137 million dollars a day!....... I'll say that again, 137 million dollars a day! That my friends is not too shabby a gig for half pay! 5.7 million dollars every hour of every day. 8 hours of sleep means he has accrued over 45 million dollars before finishing cleaning his teeth in the morning, which obviously is a necessity in readiness to smile insanely at all the other vegetable growers at the community gardens and why wouldn't he?  don't forget this is only half of his potential earnings!!!

I don't think i'll see him at the allotments anytime soon do you?

Chirps is in a right Pro state!

Image of the author stood in front of his prostate gland.

 Well there you have it everybody, It is officially confirmed that I am a medical mystery! Doctors are baffled! All bow to the enigma that is chirps. Why? The cry goes up, we've known you were 'on the spectrum' for years. Well first of all, Rude! and secondly bare in mind that I would much rather that I was not the subject of inter doctor nudges and raised eyebrows as this has grown more uncomfortable than the condition itself! Fit as a fiddle to fit as a double bass without a g string in just a few months is disconcerting at best, absolutely terrifying at worst! 

Whatever is the matter? I hear you utter,

Well my friends it would appear that I have a prostate gland the size of the universal globe AND it has an unidentified marking on it which has left the urology boffins scratching their bald patches in bewilderment.

It all kicked off when I went to the doctor complaining of having to get up numerous times a night for a slash, plus the added bonus of it seeming like I would commence urinating before getting anywhere near the bathroom! Well after having the old gloved finger examination, (amazing what they can do in this digital age!) and a Psa blood test I was referred to the urologist at the local hospital.

Following an MRI scan it was decided that I needed some biopsies to check the prostate for any cancerous cells. Well, that was fun let me tell you! Yeah brilliant day out that was. Park up in the multistorey car park of the hospital I worked at for 25 years making sure that I had taken out a small mortgage to pay for the pleasure! Then get myself changed into a sexy hospital gown which refused to close around my butt! so requiring me to walk around with one hand acting as a clothes peg behind me.

Next get my knees up and pretend i'm giving birth to a prehistoric animal as the urologist talks calmly to me about the unseasonable weather while proceeding to insert a needle between my scrotum and Anus! OWWW!!!

Then a feeling that can only be described as someone flicking an elastic band at your balls from close range!

This apparently is the biopsies being taken. The only blessing is it takes very little time before you are dispatched to the changing cubicle where you can sob quietly as you get changed back into your Calvin kleins.

So guys, I bet I've put the fear of God into you eh? Well here's the thing, the very important message if you like;

Do not be put off or delay seeking investigations if you are advised to have them! I, as you can see in the picture, am no Jack Reacher, in fact I am roughly 154lbs of complete wimp and fully understand that 'real' men will have no problem coping with the small discomfort of the procedures necessary to rule out anything nasty that may be occurring with this troublesome gland. So get yourself sorted if you get any symptoms! If I can do it then any man can do it!

Keep the motto fresh in your mind:  

To take the piss and back!.......No,no,no that's not it, my mistake,

TO UROLOGY AND BEYOND!!!       Yeah that's the one! heh heh just kidding there with the old taking the piss thing.

May your stream never weaken!