Coming To America!

Very occasionally I am pleased to say that I am able to spend some time far away from Vincent Towers and indeed the fair shores of blighty, yep I get to put on some shades, get me some local currency and strut my stuff in a different land. One of my favourite countries to visit is America where I've been a couple of times and I may well get to return there quite soon.

Now before all my Yankee buddies start high fiving in joyful celebration I should point out that many people on this side of the pond consider that having me turn up on their doorstep is as enjoyable as sharing a bath with an alligator who's last meal was a week ago and consisted of a small minnow!

However be that as it may there is a small, albeit dwindling group of cheery souls who take a diametric view and invite me to all their parties and gatherings in the almost certain knowledge that the former lord of the dance, once suitably lubricated by alcohol, may well attempt the step over pirouette on one leg. However I digress, back to the point. On my previous visits to the states I was able to spend time in Charlottesville and Washington and on another visit some time enjoying the Florida sunshine in Kissimmee which I loved.

It will be no surprise to readers however that while in Washington I was able to get myself on the wrong side of the law without any effort whatsoever. That it took me just a few days to fall foul of the DC police department is all the more impressive as it took fully ten years to achieve the same feat with the 'Rossers' of the local village constabulary where I grew up. 

Both heinous crimes were dealt with by a stern telling off and an undertaking by me to keep the right side of the law in future and each taught a salutary lesson to yours truly that in future I should always; 

a) Know the law, 

b) Not get caught if intending to break it.

 

Being chased by the village bobby on his bike at age ten for scrumping apples, is equally as daunting as facing a DC cop staring down from a huge horse complete with an impressive hand gun 30 years later for crossing the road at the wrong place. Suffice to say both lawmen were firm but fair and the DC cop was particularly polite and chatty, especially after recognising the dulcet tone of unmistakable Anglo Saxon English.

 I'm really looking forward to going back, especially if we can arrange a trip to New York or perhaps even the west coast, where I'm sure a warm welcome awaits and I'm sure we'll have a great time. 

I have to say that overall I find Americans in general more outgoing and a whole lot more optimistic than us Brits and can say 'have a nice day' with genuine enthusiasm which conveys a sense that they actually mean it!
Well enough for now, I'm off to catch up on some old episodes of Miami Vice and learn my Miranda rights.
I have the right to remain silent, its just a pity I find that so difficult!

A Jaywalker rests after making it across the road safely to 1600  Pennsylvania Avenue

I Think I Need To Recharge My Batteries

Modern life is proving anything but easy in Vincent towers despite the reckless purchase of an array of devices designed to put me on easy street and make my life virtually stress free. The flaw you see is the fact that all of these aids are either powered by mains electricity or they are battery operated and require frequent charging. Now as well as consuming half the power available from the national grid on a regular basis and the subsequent energy bills received matching the national debt of Botswana, I am becoming more and more concerned that my home is never allowed to sleep, there being too many LED charging lights illuminating every room at all hours, making the hallway seem more akin to an airport runway and the other living areas overrun by a hoard of 4 gang extension sockets.

This has led on to a feeling that my little house may not be the castle I once considered it to be, to put it bluntly I have become acutely aware that this house, my home, is no longer fit for purpose. That is to say 21st century living cannot be effectively maintained in this 1960's ex council house as amended by a 1990's re-wiring job.

Just a few short years ago all was well, we lived in relative harmony with our surroundings. We worried not that we didn't have the latest trappings of affluent consumerism, there was no home cinema system requiring a television the size of a garage door to appreciate the luxury of wide screen, nor did we see the need to be permanently hooked up to the world wide web like some Hammer Horror human spiders. Life was slower and uncomplicated, though gradually we began calling our friends and family less on land lines and started texting instead on our new Nokia androids, at least when the variable or completely absent signal strength would allow.

Suddenly it now seems that there are not enough electrical sockets in the walls to allow the charging of the myriad of communication gadgets which have become central to living in modern times. Smart phones, tablets and laptops adorn nearly every bit of table and worktop space, giving it the appearance of the bridge of the star trek enterprise. There is always something on charge, with a lead stretching out in readiness to snare the leg of any unwary passer by and send them crashing to the ground, with a charger so hot I need oven gloves to remove it from the wall lest I receive third degree burns. If its not a charger plugged in its a docking station for some other gizmo which apparently we cannot do without, and all of these things seem to consume battery power at an incredible rate and require charging far sooner than the manufacturer led us to believe.
It gets no better upstairs, where electric toothbrushes, hair straighteners, razors, epilators and hair dryers all vie for a spare socket.
No, there's nothing for it, I'll have to move. I'm going online at once and view the available houses!

Well I will as soon as the laptops  charged up!