A bird in the hand or rather the gutter

With spring now on the near horizon I am mentally preparing myself for the annual battle with a very noisy bird who seems to get up and start chirping at ridiculous o'clock while rifling through the contents of the gutter which runs just above my bedroom window.  I am no ornithologist but I am certain the culprit is one of those fawny birds with a flash waistcoat, we'll call him Robin flash waistcoat. 

While I am not insensitive to the needs of this creature to advertise and display his melodic prowess to the rest of the garden inhabitants I am now preparing for the certain sleep deprivation that weeks of early morning calls will undoubtedly cause.  

You may argue that I shouldn't be surprised that anything that starts life in a shell suit becomes a noisy neighbour, nor bear them any ill will but the more I think about the perks of being a bird the harder it is for me not to feel a sense of injustice with it all.
For instance birds can dump on you from a great height with no comeback;
They never have to queue at the supermarket till to get their food:
They can build a place to live without requiring planning permission and even better only need some twigs and moss to do it and best of all be jobless and not have any desire to watch daytime TV!

Hmmmm I can see why Robin flash waistcoat feels he has something to sing about!.

Perhaps i'll tweet him to see if he'll stop. ☺

Wise Men Say Only Tools Rush In

It would seem that as I get older, I shall be getting wiser, which is great! Nothing, it appears, is required of me to acquire this wondrous ability as I am led to believe by various family, friends and assorted sages that as long as I stay alive, it is a rite of passage. Apparently I can sit back and await wisdom and the associated prestige that 'guru' status allows.

 I have little reason to doubt this will be the case and consequently I look forward to shortly being able to tie my own shoe laces and perhaps even understand why the bloke who lives down the road shouts at the pigeons for no apparent reason every morning. 

However all this newly acquired wisdom may not I fear be enough to answer some fundamental questions on everyday life that have been bothering the chirps out of me for some considerable time.

For instance;
Why do first things always have to come first? Bit selfish.

Secondly,why did I ask the above question first?

Also, if it rains 'cats and dogs' why have I never been struck over the head  by a medium sized domestic animal?

Plus why do all female violinists appear absolutely stunning while their male counterparts seem to be fifty something balding guys with dubious moustaches?

And why do I insist on writing this crap when the readership consists of me, my auntie Betty, her budgie 'Pete' and a selection of robots in Google town, USA?

Yes many mysterious things it seems are designed to irritate me and remain steadfastly unanswered.

Despite this I remain on the whole quite positive, as it seems even when the dark clouds of complete foolhardiness surround me there always appears a bright light, a shining beacon that lifts the gloom and allows an uplift in my spirits. For proof of this I'd like to share something with you;

A few years ago I was heard to say rather belligerently that there was more chance of me having a hot date with Kylie than Donald Trump ever becoming president of the U.S! So after the election and my initial reaction of 'WHY AMERICA? I was much more upbeat as I looked again at my initial statement and saw the odds of a good night out with pop royalty tumbling in my favour!

Fast forward and now we move into another election year across the pond and its looking like he could just do it again and become a square man in an oval office for a second time!

So C'mon, surely now is my moment?? I am convinced that something more than just my tummy burp residue is in the air! I am happily reading my copy of 'I should be so lucky', A dummies guide, and looking forward to Kylie's imminent friend request on facepull. A necessary first step I'm sure you will agree? after all, first things first, I don't want to rush in, you know what wise men say!........................

A very happy and peaceful election year to you all!