The Alternative to Intelligence. A loving wife!

AI image of a complete idiot. copyright planks R us.

I was more than a little made up recently when I discovered via my ever attentive wife that a solution to an issue which has beset me for my entire life could actually be provided by a new phenomenon which apparently has become available to us all. 

The 'problem' for want of a better word is that when I was born I somehow managed to get stuck at the back of the intelligence queue and apparently they had run out of that commodity a good while before I reached the front of it!

As a result of my misfortune I have had to suffer numerous cruel taunts and put downs throughout my life. These have varied in acidity and spite, ranging from a fairly soft 'you dozy bugger' for thinking that the Moody Blues was a medical condition suffered by my sister, stepping up in venom to a much more fierce 'what a dinosaur' from a seventeen year old work colleague when I mistook tik tok for small mints! before finally suffering the indignation of receiving the slant 'If brains were dominoes you'd be a double blank! from my brother when he convinced me that winning the challenge of keeping your pee directed onto the electric fence wire made you pretty special indeed.

https://blunderousstories.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gamble-of-life.html?m=1

Yeah, thanks bro!!

Not even my Do/1 degree in tomfoolery from Horrabridge university or my subsequent appearance on Universally challenged made any difference to my brain function or how people interact with me. This of course has resulted in my attempts to inform and guide through written articles to fail at the first hurdle on a frequent basis. These include 'driving made easy, a crash course ' and 'drug dealing, a pharmacists guide'

Lucky for me, the 'cure' is now really easy. I can now obtain artificial intelligence or AI as its known. This of course has been the moment that I have waited my entire life for as with a little help from 'Gemini' I can write a snappy and thought provoking post with little or no thought on my behalf and banish to history the curse of criticism and people poking fun at me!

Praise be! I hear you shout, No more aimless ramblings about my utter pointless existence or my inability to cope with even the mildest of life challenges. 

Posts from now on should be informative, without being boring, humorous without being crass and although still short of anything even a little bit useful they will at least be well written!

So you can all look forward to my next AI inspired offering; 'How to tie your shoelace while balancing on one leg'

(Spoiler alert, its all to do with having a good centre of gravity and being under 65! So no and no for me then!)

C'est la Vie! The intelligent thing to do apparently is ask the wife to do it for me as she has access to a spine that bends without pain and the need for a loud aaaagh! as she performs the task, plus the added bonus that it returns to a normal shape when she stands up!

Oh well, lets hope I've mastered the old intelligence thing before too long because if not I may have to try and blag my way through the pearly gates at this rate!

See ya ☺

The Thrill Of the Mundane

 

 

I suppose that it's a rite of passage that as we get older we hanker after days gone by, when life seemed less complicated and it was easy to navigate your way through it without making a complete plank of yourself with seemingly monotonous regularity. 

You could buy a kid a present safe in the knowledge that the lack of 100 million terabytes of memory would not pose any serious problems.

You could also walk down the street without being baulked by someone wearing headphones, grinning like a potty professor at their Y-phone as they watch a clip of a dog chasing its tail while plastering a ceiling on facebook.

Those of you not part of the social media society may struggle to understand why this side splitting sight requires viewing at 7 O'clock in the morning on the journey into work, or why there is a need for others to 'like' it so that the poster gets the impression that the more of this dross they can upload the more they will be appreciated and 'liked'. 

Some people it seems now live out their entire lives on social media, never pausing to reflect on how the countless postings of trivia from their world are really viewed by their luckless 'friends'.
Of course we are very social animals, we want and need to belong, to feel we are part of the crowd, someone worth knowing. loneliness is a life block to be avoided at all costs so I suppose ticking up Jenny's cup cakes is a small price to pay for social acceptance. 

In the not so distant past people would talk with each other in that good old fashioned way of face to face conversation or perhaps a quick call on the landline.

Nowadays of course this has been made redundant by our total reliance on smartphones and social media. Everyone it seems, over the age of six has a 'device', worried parents pressured into action in case their little cherubs encounter emergencies or they get lost.

How times have changed, I hail from a time when parents routinely told their offspring to GET lost and if they could possibly get themselves adopted by the neighbours while they were at it that would be great!

Seriously though, it's a sign of how totally dependent we are becoming on these devices, that it seems unlikely that most people would be able to go a day without access to a smartphone. If it were heroin we would be known as total smackheads! 

Texting has of course taken over as the main form of communication in life, where a strange cyber language, or text speak is used which invariably leads to short, clipped messages, heavy on slang and emojis where the absence of facial expression and tone can ironically lead the reader not receiving the senders real thoughts and emotions. 

This often causes the very thing that sending the message sought to head off by creating misunderstanding and annoyance!

What's the solution to all of this? Well, after messaging my adopted parents and Face Timing my social worker, I have resolved to purchase a new ifad quif, join tik tok and upload a video of me cleaning my teeth with an angle grinder!

You gotta see it! It is hilarious!.. smiley face...@#plankchirping

C U l8r .........lol.....😜