Chirps is in a right Pro state!

Image of the author stood in front of his prostate gland.

 Well there you have it everybody, It is officially confirmed that I am a medical mystery! Doctors are baffled! All bow to the enigma that is chirps. Why? The cry goes up, we've known you were 'on the spectrum' for years. Well first of all, Rude! and secondly bare in mind that I would much rather that I was not the subject of inter doctor nudges and raised eyebrows as this has grown more uncomfortable than the condition itself! Fit as a fiddle to fit as a double bass without a g string in just a few months is disconcerting at best, absolutely terrifying at worst! 

Whatever is the matter? I hear you utter,

Well my friends it would appear that I have a prostate gland the size of the universal globe AND it has an unidentified marking on it which has left the urology boffins scratching their bald patches in bewilderment.

It all kicked off when I went to the doctor complaining of having to get up numerous times a night for a slash, plus the added bonus of it seeming like I would commence urinating before getting anywhere near the bathroom! Well after having the old gloved finger examination, (amazing what they can do in this digital age!) and a Psa blood test I was referred to the urologist at the local hospital.

Following an MRI scan it was decided that I needed some biopsies to check the prostate for any cancerous cells. Well, that was fun let me tell you! Yeah brilliant day out that was. Park up in the multistorey car park of the hospital I worked at for 25 years making sure that I had taken out a small mortgage to pay for the pleasure! Then get myself changed into a sexy hospital gown which refused to close around my butt! so requiring me to walk around with one hand acting as a clothes peg behind me.

Next get my knees up and pretend i'm giving birth to a prehistoric animal as the urologist talks calmly to me about the unseasonable weather while proceeding to insert a needle between my scrotum and Anus! OWWW!!!

Then a feeling that can only be described as someone flicking an elastic band at your balls from close range!

This apparently is the biopsies being taken. The only blessing is it takes very little time before you are dispatched to the changing cubicle where you can sob quietly as you get changed back into your Calvin kleins.

So guys, I bet I've put the fear of God into you eh? Well here's the thing, the very important message if you like;

Do not be put off or delay seeking investigations if you are advised to have them! I, as you can see in the picture, am no Jack Reacher, in fact I am roughly 154lbs of complete wimp and fully understand that 'real' men will have no problem coping with the small discomfort of the procedures necessary to rule out anything nasty that may be occurring with this troublesome gland. So get yourself sorted if you get any symptoms! If I can do it then any man can do it!

Keep the motto fresh in your mind:  

To take the piss and back!.......No,no,no that's not it, my mistake,

TO UROLOGY AND BEYOND!!!       Yeah that's the one! heh heh just kidding there with the old taking the piss thing.

May your stream never weaken!