Clive Wins His First Foxtrot Oscar!

Actors it would seem are very intelligent people. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised as anyone who can make a full time job out of basically doing what they did as a kid, namely dressing up and pretending to be someone else is very bright indeed and deserving of the utmost respect.

 All the more so if they reach super luvvie status and spend their time alternating between a mansion in Hollywood Hills, a yacht the size of an oil tanker in Monte Carlo, and a private island in the Caribbean. Not to mention of course attending numerous red carpet events where hoards of hysterical 'fans' hyper-ventilate as their idols pose for 'just one more' before nipping in for the latest thespian love in!

 As you can tell from my petulance and somewhat unwarranted sarcasm I do not consider acting a proper job, that is Actors invoke the same degree of jealousy in me as premiership footballers, Rock stars and Psychics, of course the latter group knew that already! 

All it seems are capable of Oscar winning performances for money and in a lot of cases copious amounts of it. This got me thinking, If actors are held in such high esteem and seemingly universally loved whether the movies they star in are any good or not, (just ask the Dirty Grandad) perhaps I should take the 'can't beat em join em' approach.

 I have therefore resolved to get myself an equity card at the soonest opportunity and 'Ham it up' a bit and see if I can get myself onto the red carpet with a gaggle of beautiful women shouting "We love you clivey" while I pose in my Marks and Spencer's two piece in an awkward, yet manly way, smiling insanely for the hordes of paparazzi. People will marvel at my golden globes.........., well marvel is perhaps putting an undeserved positive spin on it but you get the idea.

So Leonardo better watch out, there's a new kid on the block. I'll soon be wrestling with my debut screen role in  'The Irrelevant', a tale of epic survival in the wilds of West Devon, facing constant attacks by savage Dartmoor Hill Farmers, battling incessant wind and rain and only a local spar and patchy 4g signal to help me survive!

 Anyway I can't work like this, I'll be in my trailer!